Dosti ke side effects

On the occasion of Friendship Day (August 3) इ explore whether men make better pals than partners...
"He was the best friend I ever had. Life was fun when I was with him. He was the most dependable guy I'd ever met, the most understanding, the most compassionate... until he became my boyfriend," sighs Ritu. "Very soon, I realized that he was a completely different person when he was my friend. I started wondering what went wrong with him. He became insensitive and insecure. Our relationship took a drastic turn and we ended up cursing each other for what we were. The irony is - that was what brought us close initially," she adds.
Does Ritu's love story remind you of a friendship gone sour when your friend turned into your boyfriend or your husband? If yes, have you ever wondered why?
Friendship Fundas
Of course, friendship may be the first step of finding love, but quite often when friendship transforms into love, there is sudden increase in expectations. When you and your partner were 'just' friends, you may have been busy with your own life, doing what you want, but now your partner may want you to spend most of your time with him. When you are busy on the phone, he may want to know you who you're speaking with, when you turn up late for a date, he may want to know why. And there you go - arguments, nagging, cribbing, at times even leading to break ups!
When a friendship-turned-love affair turns stale, you sit back and think - how much you loved the same man as a friend and how the dynamics of the relationship went astray as he became your intimate partner! So, do men make better pals than partners? "Men make better 'friends'. Most of my friends are men and at times they have been much more supportive than my boyfriend. I think when you are just friends with a man and there is no 'sex' involved, you tend to give each other more space and respond better to each other's needs. Unlike girls who spend most of their time gossiping, shopping and going to the parlour, boys tend to bear a lighter view of life as well as an adventurous side which makes them fun to be with. Also, they are less jealous than women and stand by you no matter what," says Afreen who works as a marketing executive in Delhi.
But do all friends who end up falling in love meet a dead end?

"I don't think so. I had been friends with a girl for four years before I proposed to her. I think it only made things easier for us when we got married a year ago. We knew everything about each other, our past and we shared all our secrets. It only made the bond stronger and helped us to be more compatible as a couple - both emotionally and physically," says Aashish, a software professional.
In agreement with Aashish, Juhi Singh, who works with a private bank in Delhi adds, "Me and my boyfriend have been together for the last eleven years. We started out as friends and even after so many years of being together, I've never felt as if things changed. We still share the same bond and understanding that we did as friends. He has been not just an adorable boyfriend, but an equally adorable man in my life."
The compatibility quotient
But then why is it that after a point, romantic relationship with a friend starts to stagnate? One of the reasons is that you don't give each other enough space that you did as friends. It's then that feelings like "we were better off as friends" start creeping in. Most women complain that their partner is too possessive. Remember, as friends you could talk to him about your ex, tell him about that cute guy in your office or gossip about your boss! But when your relationship goes beyond friendship, it's important to know where to draw the line. "There are some things which I can share with my friends, but not with my hubby. If I tell him about my ex, maybe he'll never trust me again. And of course, I can't go and tell him that his mom is a bad cook!" says Richa (name changed on request) who has been married for five years.
Trust Issues
Does your husband find it difficult to trust you the way your friend did? If yes, you might need to bridge the 'communication gap'. "Communication is extremely important in a relationship. Quite often, people are reluctant to talk to their partners about their past or share their secrets. This is what leads to insecurity, possessiveness and lack of trust. Also, very often when friendship turns into love, friendship gradually takes a backseat. And it is only by trusting each other that you can bridge the gap," says personality architect Rita Gangwani.
Television actor Manav Gohil comments on the trust factor in a marriage, "Expectations increase when you get into a relationship, but what is important is that it should increase in a positive way. It's good to be possessive about your partner, but only to the extent that it doesn't interfere with his/her privacy and freedom. It's important to give each other enough space. I was extremely possessive about Shweta as a boyfriend, but marriage made me more mature and responsible and now I have learnt to respect her freedom and individuality." Adds fellow telly star Aamir Ali, "Friendship is a very important part of a relationship. It makes your bond stronger. It's only the level of expectations that differ between a friend and a girlfriend. I don't think I am possessive as a husband, but being in a relationship has certainly made me more mature and caring."
Body Talk
Talking about the physical aspect, isn't it awkward for friends to get intimate when they decide to get married? "No, on the contrary, it's easier because there is a sense of familiarity and attachment unlike in arranged marriages. Also, friends often ignore your negative traits. But in a relationship, faulty expectations might be risky," says Dr Samir Parikh, a p sychiatrist.
Making a friend out of a boyfriend or a boyfriend out of a husband is not an easy equation. What matters most is to understand the intricacies in the personalities of the opposite sex and figure out how their needs differ as the nature of the relationship transforms itself. Get clued onto what men want, learn how they think and what you can do that will make yours a relationship for keeps.